Entries
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Listening to where'd you go by fort minor and holly brook.Feeling-Feeling like shit. I dont know why just do. you know sometimes you just feel like it and you dont know why. Thinking of a few ppl that made my life so interesting and cheerful. its like they made all my problems seem nothing. like they always made know that everything will be alright like every problem has a solution. but now that they are gone or they are still here i just dont see them anymore makes me thing will i ever get the same feeling again the feeling where i dont have to care abt what will happen to me or when im always happy and there isnt anything that bothers me. but i guess its to much to ask now. when someone has done something really really bad to someone real close to you and then they want you to forgive them should you i mean they'v caused so much pain and caused for you to have a "perfect" life. a life where you see other family's and feel like you dont want to be them. everyone thinks im "perfect" when im not. and when i tell them something abt me that to them shld be happening they get shock and be like omg ur that i dont want to talk to you anymore or something like that. i mean shld i be judge abt what i wear or how i act or where i live. we are all the same right we go to the same school we learn the same subject thought ny the same teacher. so why does it make me different. why is it that when something bad happend to me, its like the sky is falling for them. why is it that i cant make a mistake or act like a child for once. when they know all my childhood i had to act like an adult to hold in how i feel, to hold in my anger and act like an adult to everyone else. so isnt my time to act like a child now, to be carefree. so why are they holding me back? i dont maybe its just me. but sometime i wish i was some where different some where i wouldnt be judge all the time and watch'd all the time. its a fact that everyone should know abt me. they want so much 4rm me and when i'm not able to do it they turn their backs is that what friendship should be. somw one told me that friends are family you choose. so if im part of their family why do they do it. they just cant stop talking, they just cant help themselves even if there isnt anything to talk abt they make it up to ease their life cuz they cant handle theirs. its stupid but its always true. i dont know. but i want it to stop, hearing stuff untrue stuff gets to you after awhile. and while i stay here watching my friends leave, it gets me thinking, i really wana leave this lace cuz as much as i love all my friends i cant stay here watching them leave one by one they leave while im still here saying goodbye to them. is goodbye really enough. when you know that you arnt gona see them ever again. and if ur lucky you will. its a feeling never to be replaced i guess. maybe its just this place maybe its just brunei. but sometimes i really wish i wasnt here. or even part of this so called "family" i have i love thme all to bits but i just cant stop feeling the og being alone. im gona have to re-start my life for the 2nd time and it gets harder as you row older cuz you understand what happend. its was different when i was 5 but now that im 15 its gets alot more harder. im gona have to fix it. but do i maybe this is how its meant to be, a plan 4rm the above. Today wasnt bad i was on holiday so i just bimed around at home was meant to do hmk but didnt. hrhrhr anyeways gtg. To the ppl i wrote abt that left i miss you so god daymn much and i wish you were here with me always.
xoxo_Ciao_
L o V i N g Y o U
7:05 AM
(About Me)
okay, this is dee love. otherwise known as hugwhore number one, part of the dynamic duo that is cynthia and i.<
so, you should all at least know of this girl if you're reading this blog, but that doesn't mean you know
what she's like or who she truly is, so here i am, serving you the summary on a silver platter.
she's a butt kicking, ice cream licking, -- wait, let's just stop these futile attempts at summing up wondergirl.
currently she is 16, living in brunei and going through the life of an isbian (with yours truly - isb, represent,
baby), highs + lows and all.
coming from the lands of malaysia, india, portugal and china and blessing this world with the glory that is her
on september the 9th, she's into the punk rock scene with a twist
of some other fxcked up beats and loves the girly girl stuff, yet at the same time, is always willing to get down
and dirrty. she migrates to labuan every weekend or so and is a notorious relationship hopper (but working on
changing that - she has the best intentions at heart) and
she's always up for a good night out, especially when we were going through that drunken'ho phase together.
that's another thing, we've been through so much shit together and cliche as it sounds, life wouldn't be as fun
or interesting if she weren't in it. even though she's a party wild child, hair a-flickin' and boots a-kickin', she
does have her sensitive side and can be extremely wicked too. anyway, there's no actual way to describe cyn and
it's a crime to even try and attempt to, so it'd be best to get to know her yourself or else you'd be missing out
on so much
